All progress requires change, but not all change is progress,

Things have changed. I knew they would. You can't be as totally immersed in a job, a ministry, a family as I was, for as long as I was, and then suddenly walk away without expecting change. Some of the changes have looked exactly like I thought they would. Some have been extremely difficult. Some, well to be honest, have rattled me to the core. They have forced me to examine myself more deeply than I think I ever have.

I am facing the loss of some of my "status". Being part of the Outdoor Adventure Ministry world certifications and standards are what give you credence. They make you someone or just another wanna-be. It all started back in '96 when I gained my first certification. I attended a Swiftwater Rescue Technician class with several other guys in High Cascade Adventures. Suddenly I wasn't just another river rat, I knew what I was doing and I had a patch on my vest to prove it! Over the years as I moved into full time ministry I gained more certifications to stay at least one level ahead of those I was training and leading. Next, the SRTA  Advanced Swiftwater Rescue Technician. That "A" felt huge at the time. Then a TRRT Technical Rope Rescue Technician. That was when the instructor told me that I knew as much as he did and I should be working towards getting my Instructors Certification. WOW I thought, I am becoming SOMEBODY. In order to get an Instructors Certification you are required to have an EMT-B, Emergency Medical Technician-Basic, so I took what was my most intense class I've ever had for 2 terms through the local community college and got my EMT-B. That same year I went to California and took my Instructor Course for Water and Rope. In my rush to complete the process I had not done the required recert of my TRRT and failed the Rope section. They did give me my Water Instructors Certification though and that was huge. Even if it was a provisional status that meant that I could only certify people within our ministry. I had a lot of patches and certificates, it was great. I was Somebody N OW!
 I had to have continuing Ed hours to keep my EMT current and was able to take a week long course and add a W (for Wilderness) to my EMT. Man, that felt good! I like being knowledgeable. I like being an "expert". Some of that probably comes from the fact that I am always intimidated because I barely graduated High School and never went to college. I don't have a degree at all, Not even an Associates Degree.

My WEMT-B is up for renewal again in June and I don't have the continuing ed hours I need to recert. But it doesn't matter. As I said before, things have changed. I left Discovery and they have moved on. On to different leadership and different standards. Not any better or worse, just different. Different in that the certifications that I teach are not needed,and because I am a provisional instructor, I can't certify anybody else.So if I cant be an instructor anymore then I don't need my EMT. There is no reason to work and spend money to keep it. It doesn't mean anything to anyone in my in-between jobs world. When my instructors status lapses I would have to recert each of my rescue certs in the next 2 years. Thats not going to happen so a lot of what I have worked so hard to gain will soon be lost.

So, what was this all about? What was this all for? Why did I work so hard to get what I couldn't keep and would be meaningless once I was no longer with Discovery? Let me tell you what I KNOW. Discovery was not about being an expert in the outdoors, of certifications and instructor status. Knowledge and skills were simply tools. Tools God used to gain access to peoples lives. The access of Discovery was for the purpose of expressing LOVE in and through the people gathered through the means.
This is the realization of an idea, a theme, a thread that runs through my life. Love has been the story line and God is the author. This has been just another step in the journey. I am now left left to search for whats NEXT. Whether here or there, it matters not. It is all about how He wants to use me, shape me, make me more fully ME loving HIM.