Realization and reawakening

I have come to a realization, or two, or maybe seven.

Four years ago (give or take) several situations in my life came to a head all at once. It started with our ministry being being merged into another larger one and was followed very quickly by a personal financial crisis. Being the husband, father, leader I took responsibility for what was happening. I could give you many reasons why it was all my fault. I could probably give you just as many reasons why it was not. Four years later, give or take, the crisis continues.


One realization I came to recently is for the last four years (give or take) I have been punishing myself for the failure of the ministry and our own personal financial meltdown. I have been in a sort of self flagellation mode of not allowing myself to enjoy or spend time or money on myself that was not absolutely necessary. If I had to guess I would say this was supposed to last until I "fixed" the problems?


So here I am four years later (give or take) tired, lonely, bitter and burned out. I am now acutely aware I am not capable of "fixing" anything. The ministry is out of my hands and into younger, more flexible hands willing to endure change in a way I was not and, while we have made tremendous progress on our financial hemorrhaging, I still have not found a source of sufficient income to stay in the black.


Believe it or not this realization is good news. Because I now see it for what it is. The first step in a new journey is clear: STOP IT! Stop blaming myself, stop punishing myself, stop denying myself and above all stop the pity party. Is it time for the serenity prayer? Everybody......


"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; 
courage to change the things I can;and wisdom to know the difference."

And the rest most have never heard....

"Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen."

--Reinhold Niebuhr

The second realization I have come to recently is most of the problems, pains and frustrations in my life are caused by stuff. Stuff is broken and needs repair, stuff is in want and need of maintenance, cleaning and / or storage. Stuff sits and waits for someday when I will have the time, money and opportunity to use it. Stuff I can't throw away because it might be useful someday for some project to build or fix other broken stuff. Are we seeing a pattern here? If life hands you lemons what do you do? We all know you make lemonade. What do you do when stuff is removing value from your life and you literally can not afford it? Consider Becoming Minimalist.
The second step in a new journey is: ELIMINATE EXCESS STUFF! In considering the very real possibility  we will have to move out of our house in the near future has caused me to look at all of the stuff I really don't want to pack up and move. I have begun to look at every item as I move around our home and mentally judge whether it adds or subtracts value from my life. I am ready to begin to purge. To add value to some things by eliminating others.

The third realization I have come to lately is going to have to wait. This is getting really long and I am out of time today. More later if you want it. Please leave me a comment and give me your input and insights. they really help.

For now I will leave you with this old apropos children's hymn:

When upon life’s billows you are tempest tossed,
When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

Refrain

Count your blessings, name them one by one,
Count your blessings, see what God hath done!
Count your blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

Are you ever burdened with a load of care?
Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?
Count your many blessings, every doubt will fly,
And you will keep singing as the days go by.

Count your blessings, name them one by one,
Count your blessings, see what God hath done!
Count your blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

When you look at others with their lands and gold,
Think that Christ has promised you His wealth untold;
Count your many blessings. Wealth can never buy
Your reward in heaven, nor your home on high.

Count your blessings, name them one by one,
Count your blessings, see what God hath done!
Count your blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

So, amid the conflict whether great or small,
Do not be disheartened, God is over all;
Count your many blessings, angels will attend,
Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.

Count your blessings, name them one by one,

Count your blessings, see what God hath done!

Count your blessings, name them one by one,

And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.